


Fall from High

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Drama, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-20
Updated: 2008-11-11
Packaged: 2018-09-08 01:47:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8825407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Fifteen years ago, Jared and Jensen met for the first time. First fighting it, Jensen quickly realized what Jared had known all along- That they were meant to be. Boundaries are tested and limits pushed as the two fight for all that they have- Each other.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

  
Author's notes: **Magos186**? You know this fic is for you, cause I heart you, friend! And 'Jensen'? You rock my socks!

* * *

Chapter One

 

Jensen leaned against the porch rail, a cool beer in his hands as his eyes glazed over, lost somewhere in his mind. 

 

He sneered a little, he wasn’t even fooling himself. Even Mackenzie knew, that’s why she’d come over- even brought dinner. 

 

“Uncle gram’pa! Uncle Gram’pa!” Jensen set his beer down and scooped up Erica. “Hey, midget,” he teased, resting his three year old niece on his hip, and tickled her a little.

 

Erica giggled and hid her face in his shoulder as he carried her inside. Jensen chuckled a little and set his three year old niece on the counter next to the sink where Jared was doing the dishes. Mackenzie smiled at them, drying a plate that Jared handed to her and then continued, "So, back to school tomorrow, eh?"

 

"Yeah," Jared said, "I'm pretty excited. They're finally dropping one of my periods so maybe I won't lose my mind this year." Jensen snorted, and Jared looked at him. "What? What is so funny about that?"

 

Jensen kissed Jared's cheek, "Nothing, it's just... Well, I like it when you lose your mind about the school stuff."

 

"What?" Jared said, dropping the sponge and dish, turning to look at him.

 

"It shows you care," Jensen said, and winked at Erica when Jared flushed, turning back to the dishes. Erica giggled and Mackenzie smiled, too. "Anyway, 'kenzie? I was wondering if I could steal Jared for a sec?"

 

"Actually, I should get going; I should get to the soccer game, I feel kinda bad for missing it."

 

"Tristan was playing today?" Jensen said, "Why didn't you tell us? We would have gone to see it."

 

"I know," Mackenzie wiped her hands on the towel. "But I just... Erica?" She scooped her daughter off the counter and set her on the floor, "Go watch TV for a sec?" Erica nodded and then hurried out of the room. 

 

"Mackenzie? What's going on?" Jensen asked.

 

"Look... We all know what tomorrow is." Jared looked confused as he looked to Jensen for the answer. 

 

"We met sixteen years ago tomorrow," Jensen murmured, feeling a little sad that Jared didn't remember.

 

"Oh," Jared said, and then that kinda sank in. "Oooh..." He sighed a little and slid his hands down Jensen's arms, tugging his hands out of his pockets and linking them together. "You remembered?"

 

Jensen shrugged, and then picked up a teasing tone, "Don't worry about it, you can't have forgotten until tomorrow."

 

Jared still had a little bit of kicked puppy look in his eyes, so Jensen smiled and tilted his head back, puckering his lips like a blowfish. Jared chuckled and kissed him lightly. "See? You still love me enough to kiss me when I do that. And that is what matters."

 

Jared released Jensen's hands and gripped his hips instead as he kissed him again, a little more deeply this time. Jensen chuckled a little as Mackenzie cleared her throat after a moment, and Jared's face got bright red, flushing from his neck up.

 

"Anyway," Mackenzie said as Jared tipped his head down, attempting to hide his face on Jensen's shoulder. Jensen patted his back and then they both turned to look at Mackenzie. "I figured Jen would have something planned so I couldn't come by... And, I mean..." She shrugged, "You guys meeting changed my life as much as it changed yours... I just wanted to come by and, well, I don't know..." Jensen pursed his lips and raised a brow, "'Kenzie? Don't be a freak." She laughed and threw herself into his arms as soon as he raised them.

 

They hugged for a moment and then Mackenzie gave Jared a hug as well, "Ok," she murmured. "Well, I am done with this big ol' sappy moment. I should grab Erica and head to Tristan's soccer match."

 

"Alright," Jensen said, "Eric's gonna call about dinner on Saturday, right?"

 

"What happened to Friday? We always have dinner on Friday," Mackenzie said.

 

"Hence the need for Eric to call. I have plans Friday night, sorry, 'Kenzie."

 

"No, that's okay," she said, grabbing the blue bag filled with her Tupperware. "It'll be nice. Eric and I have been looking for an excuse to take Tristan and Erica to C-H-U-C-K E. C-H-E-E-S-E-S." Jensen laughed a little, knowing that the spelling was necessary. Erica had learned early on what 'Chuck E. Cheese's' was from her older brother, and after her first visit, got very excited when ever the name was mentioned. "So, I'll have Eric call you... Tuesday good?"

 

"That's fine." Jensen nodded and gave her a hug, Jared doing the same. 

 

"Erica? We're leaving sweetie, come say good-bye."

 

Erica came running back in before Mackenzie could even finish the good-bye request. She launched herself at Jensen's legs, holding his knees together, "G’bye uncle gram'pa!"

 

Jensen smiled and patted her head. She released him and threw herself at Jared's legs, squeezing his shins together. "G'bye uncle gram'pa!" she exclaimed again and then backed up and held Mackenzie's hand. 

 

"And I guess we're leaving now," Mackenzie joked. "See you on Friday."

 

Jensen sighed and leaned back against Jared.

 

"So, you ready to tell me why you've been in a funk as of late?" Jensen groaned a little and opened his eyes as he straightened up.

 

“I don’t know, Jay… I guess I’m just tired.” Jensen turned and walked towards the sink, turning the water back on and starting to wash the dishes. He heard Jared sigh. A moment later, he flipped the water off. “No, that’s not true.” Jared hummed in agreement. “I just miss working at the gym, wish it hadn’t been bought- hadn’t been closed. 

 

“I mean, we were so close to having enough saved up,” Jensen paused, “And now I have to go back to working nights at the garage. I hate working nights at the garage. I never get to see you…” Jensen sighed.

 

“Fuck,” he murmured, wiping at eyes that were itchy with unshed tears. He wasn’t only morning the loss of time that he was going to spend with Jared, or the money that they’d lose, the things that they would have to cut back on… And the loss of a child that they couldn’t have, hadn’t had. 

 

Jared loved helping out with the rearing of Mackenzie. Most of the work had been done, but the two had bonded. Since the two weren’t actually related, but acted as if they were, Jared and Mackenzie could talk about things that she didn’t feel comfortable talking to Jensen about.

 

Like sex- God, that had been horrible to hear about. Jared had actually bought Mackenzie condoms, he’d also body blocked the door when Jensen flew into a bout of protectiveness for his baby sister and wanted to beat Eric into a pulp.

 

And Jensen loved watching Mackenzie grow up, loved being the person -even though Jared had been there as well, he’d asked them both- that Eric asked for Mackenzie’s hand in marriage, loved being the one to walk her down the aisle, loved that he and Jared were Tristan and Erica’s god parents.

 

He wanted to do that again, but this time he wanted it to be his and Jared’s kid. He wanted to share that with his husband, because -legally binding or not- that’s what Jared was, his husband, his family. 

 

Raising Mackenzie and living with Jared for as long as he had, going to dinner every Sunday at the Padalecki house… Family was more important to him than ever, and Jared felt the same way -if not to the same level.

 

They both wanted kids and the more years that passed, the less likely it seemed that that dream was ever going to happen. It wasn’t fucking fair.

 

Jensen sighed and let a tear fall, Jared wrapping his arms around Jensen as he finally let himself fall apart a little.

*****

“I just feel so bad about it,” Jared said, snapping the lid of his to-go cup of coffee.

 

“Mmm,” Ryan hummed, paying for both drinks. Ryan was one of the math teachers at Richardson High School, he came to work a few years after Jared had and the two had become fast friends.

 

“I mean, I’ve been looking foreword to having kids, too, but with the gym closing and everything, it’s just…” he took a swig of the horrible sludge that pretended to be coffee. “It’s not possible right now.”

 

“You’re only thirty, Jared. There’s still time.”

 

“Not the point,” Jared said, pausing as he got to the door. “Jen likes working on cars, taking something that’s broken, seeing how it works, and then watching it come back to life… But he hates the hours, we never see each other during the week. And on the weekends, when we do see each other, he’s crabby because his internal clock is thrown off and I have to grade things...

 

“This is…”

 

“Sucks,” Ryan agreed.

 

“This is totally sucks,” Jared reiterated, unlocking his classroom and then leaning against the open door. 

 

“Hey, didn’t he go to school? Isn’t he, like, a trained physical therapist?” Ryan asked, looking as if a light bulb had just gone off over his head.

 

“Yeah, why?”

 

“Well, there’s gonna be an opening in the Phys. Ed. Department.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yeah, I guess Jamie’s father isn’t doing too well- as soon as they find a replacement, they’re going to let her out of her contract so she can move out there to help her mom out.”

 

“You don’t think-?”

 

“I’m sure that they’d love to have him,” Ryan answered. “Especially because I’m sure he’ll have at least one stellar recommendation from the staff, and a bunch from the gym. Worth a shot, right?”

 

“Yeah,” Jared said thoughtfully, “Worth a shot…”

 

After the long day of introductions and other random start of school garbage, Jared hurried to the principal’s office and pitched them Ryan’s idea. After a few questions, they agreed to set up an interview for the position, all Jensen had to do was call.

 

Jensen was attempting to doze when Jared got home, an arm thrown over his eyes as he was laid supine across the bed, curtains drawn.

 

“Hey,” Jared said, plopping onto the bed next to Jensen.

 

“Mmm,” Jensen grunted, half way to dream land.

 

“I need you to wake up for a second.”

 

Jensen groaned and removed his arm from his eyes and then sat up, eyes still closed. “I’m awake.”

 

“You are not, Jen.”

 

“I’m as awake as I’m gonna get, Jay,” Jensen matched Jared’s whine.

 

“Okay, but I may have a solution to the working at night problem.”

 

Jensen’s eyes snapped opened, “Do tell.”

 

“You remember Jamie, right?”

 

“The PE teacher, right?”

 

“Right,” Jared concurred. “Well, her dad isn’t doing too well, so they’re going to let her out of her contract- Just as soon as they find a replacement.

 

“So,” Jared made some weird hand gesture with his hands, looked at them strangely and then dropped them onto his lap. “I though that maybe you could go in. All you have to do is call, they’d love to set up an interview.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah,” Jared said, the hint of a beam fading from his face, “Why aren’t you excited about this?”

 

Jensen shrugged, “I have no reason to get my hopes up.”

 

“What?” Jared fell into himself a little.

 

“Well, I don’t,” Jensen said, reaching for the phone all the same.

 

“You went to school, could be a physical therapist if there was one needed here, and coached for years… The school would be lucky to have you.”

 

“Yeah, maybe,” Jensen shrugged, the phone dangling from his hand. “But in all honesty, I’m still surprised that they hired one gay guy- I can’t really imagine them hiring said gay man’s husband.”

 

“Oh,” Jared said, looking down. He was so used to Jensen’s reputation from high school and then once all that Alan had done eventually -somehow- came to light protecting him from the homophobes that it almost wasn’t a thought in his mind. “Well… They love me, and I gave you a rave, so…”

 

Jensen looked at him, studied him for a long moment- So long that Jared could feel the burning of his blush as it crept up his neck and settled on his face.

 

“You really want me to do this? Call them?” Jensen asked.

 

“Yeah,” Jared said, “I mean… I want it for you if you want it. I mean, the hours would be great, the pay is decent… And we’d always see each other… Unless you’re afraid you’d get tired of me?”

 

“Don’t be stupid, I could never get tired of you,” Jensen said. “I just… Don’t want to get my hopes up. I mean, if this works out? We’ll be able to start really talking and planning for kids…”

 

“Yeah,” Jared said, trying to ignore the lump that was forming in his throat.

 

“You still want kids, right?” Jensen said, a hint of panic in his voice.

 

“Yeah,” Jared said, laying his hand on Jensen’s. “I still want to build a family with you…”

 

“Oh, well, speaking of? Your gift isn’t quite done yet, but if should be by this weekend.”

 

“Ah, home made gift?” Jensen flushed and gave a half nod. “Okay, I’ll give you your gift when you give me mine.”

 

“You got me a gift?” Jensen asked, surprised. “I didn’t know that you got anything today.”

 

“Of course I got you something,” Jared lied, making a huge bold triple underlined mental note to get Jensen a gift as soon as possible. 

 

“Okay,” Jensen said, rewarding Jared with a kiss. “I’ll call.”

 

“You’ll call? Really?”

 

“Yeah,” Jensen said, dialing.

 

Jared sat on the edge of the bed, biting his lip and nails as Jensen talked. He was so far in his head that he wasn’t even really listening to what Jen was saying.

 

“So?” He said, snapping out of his head when Jensen hung up.

 

“I’m going in tomorrow for the interview.” Jared squealed and launched himself into Jen’s arms.


	2. Chapter 2

  
Author's notes: **Magos186** and 'Jensen'! Y'all two rock my sox!

\-----

* * *

Chapter Two

 

Jensen hated it, but couldn’t escape the fact that he was nervous. He had an interview today, an interview at the school where Jared had worked for the past ten years. And the thing was, he was more nervous for Jared than he was for himself.

 

See, Jared worked there longer and, more over, he was Richardson High’s angel golden student when he went there. Jensen… Well, Jensen was not. 

 

Right after Alan died, Jensen dropped out -Only filling out the proper paperwork because Jared had made him. He got his GED soon after, because he knew he needed it, and because Jared really wanted him to get it.

 

He looked out the window as he finally stopped tugging on his shirt sleeves. The sky looked almost pink, which was weird.

 

“Would you stop?” Jared asked, holding up two ties.

 

“Cuffs are evil,” Jensen grumbled, taking the deep blue checkered tie that went well with the light blue of his shirt.

 

“They are not, stop being silly,” Jared called. “Brown or black boots?”

 

Jensen craned his neck, fingers fumbling as he tied his tie, “Don’t the brown ones have transmission fluid on them?” 

 

There was a long pause, “Right, black.” Jared came out a moment later, blowing a bit of dust off the shoes.

 

“You look hot all G.Q.-ed up,” Jared said when he looked up. Jensen felt himself flush, “Well, yeah…” he said, cheeks burning.

 

“Promise to make it up to me? This stupid outfit?” Jensen asked, tugging again on his cuffs. Jared smacked his hands away from his cuffs, “Trust me, you’ll definitely be getting lucky tonight.”

 

“And after the job interview… Will I be getting lucky then, too?” Jensen asked self-deprecatingly under his breath.

 

“That’s the only time you’ll be getting lucky, mister. Because you don’t need luck to get the job.” Jared tightened Jensen’s tie slightly and Jensen felt himself frown a little. “Besides,” Jared teased, “They’re the ones that would be lucky to have _you_.”

 

Jensen rolled his eyes, “Yeah, yeah…” He couldn’t help but flush with pleasure at the words, though. Sometimes it amazed him. How even after sixteen years Jared still wanted him, still loved him… It really was mind boggling.

 

He sighed and glanced in the mirror, sticking out his tongue childishly. He looked like a freakin’ idiot in this outfit.

 

He was so much more comfortable in the jeans he coached in and the jeans he wore under his jumpsuit at the garage. 

 

Maybe he could wear jeans as PE teacher?

 

He wanted to ask Jared, but every now and then? Jensen sighed, well… Sometimes he was tired of being the stupid one.

 

Jared looked at him, “There, now all you have to do is put your shoes on and go get yourself that job.

 

“Yes, dear,” Jensen murmured, tugging on his cuffs again before Jared smacked his hands away and he sat down on the edge of the bed. He slipped his feet into the boots that Jared ad dropped onto the floor.

 

He stood up after tying them and then tugged on his tie and cuffs. Then he sighed and tightened his tie again. 

 

“This sucks,” he murmured, “I hate dressing like this… It makes me feel all claustrophobic.”

 

“Well,” Jared sighed, pulling out his briefcase to do some grading, “At least when you get the job as PE teacher you can go back to wearing jeans. Hell, sweats even if you want.”

 

“Yeah?” Jensen asked, his eyebrows shooting up towards his hairline.

 

“Yeah,” Jared laughed, “As if you weren’t dying to know.”

 

Jensen chuckled, sometimes he could almost swear Jared could read his mind. And it was times like these that Jensen realized that he could see through Jared as well.

 

“Well, I’m gonna go to that interview…” He paused at the door as he slid on his jacket, “So this would be a fine time for you to go pick out that gift you bought me.”

 

Jared froze, “How…? Oh, Jen, I’m so so sorry. I meant to get something, but then the job opened up and… I suck, I’m sorry,”

 

“Nah, it’s okay,” Jensen said brushing the apology off. “I don’t really care if you get me a gift.”

 

“I know, but I want you to have one anyway…”

 

Jensen shrugged, “Well, I have an interview to try and ace, so I’ll catch you later.”

 

“Bye,” Jared whispered at Jensen’s retreating back.

 

Jensen heard the whisper and wanted to go back, comfort his husband… But he couldn’t he didn’t have time. He had to get to the interview. 

 

He should just tell Jared that he didn’t want the job.

 

Because he didn’t. 

 

He hadn’t hated school when he was a kid, but after his mother died and his father became the person that he became… It just seemed like a prison. A necessity, but a prison all the same.

 

And to go back there?

 

He sighed and hurried to the car, keys jingling as he pulled them out to unlock the door. 

 

But he did want the opportunity to have a couple rug-rats with his baby… And if that meant taking a decent job at a hell hole?

 

Well, the benefits _had_ to outweigh the doubts… Didn’t they?

 

Jensen drove, rather quickly, to the high school, pulling into the lot a good fifteen minutes early. Oh, well; isn’t that what teachers always told you to do? Show up fifteen minutes early and you were on time, show up at the appointed time and you were late.

 

Jensen sighed and climbed out of the car, casting a look at the bleachers. Even now he had the overwhelming urge to go sneak a smoke under them, maybe a drink, even though he hadn’t smoked in years. It had only taken two and a half days without a kiss from Jared for Jensen to realize that smoking _really_ wasn’t worth it.

 

He grumbled a little. “Time to act like a grown up, Jensen,” he muttered to himself. He knew this day would come, the day he had to come back.

 

He smiled a little, hell it already had- the day he’d taken Jared to his prom.

 

He’d kind hoped that _that_ would be the last memory he had of Richardson High… Alas, that was not to be the case.

 

“Bleh,” Jensen murmured as he pulled open the heavy doors. He hurried to the principal’s office and knocked, feeling like a grade A idiot when the secretary opened the door and asked him to have a seat while she let Principal Jacobson know that he was here for his interview.

 

“Thanks,” he said, smiling at her and then sighed as the door closed behind her and he covered his face with his hands. 

 

\-----

 

Jared pulled the pillow from his face, feeling like a damned jackass.

 

He knew how important family was to Jensen and yet he still did all this stupid shit like forgetting the anniversary of his and Jen’s first meeting.

 

It was bullshit, too. He’d been in love with Jensen for so long before they’d actually met, and now it looked like he didn’t even care…

 

This wasn’t friggin’ fair.

 

And now there was nothing he could do to make it up to Jensen. 

 

Even if he got Jensen the perfect gift… It still wouldn’t matter, Jensen would still know that he hadn’t gotten it on time, still know that Jared had forgotten.

 

And…

 

Just- Damnit! 

 

He was such a goddamned moron, and he usually prided himself on being pretty damn smart. 

 

Fuck, this sucked…

 

Jared sighed and flopped back on the bed, laying there for a few minutes before sitting up again and opening his briefcase.

 

Too soon for grading, but he knew that that’s what Jensen thought it would be…

 

But it wasn’t…

 

He pulled out the think manila folder and flipped it open.

 

It was a bunch of housing listings, all the houses near the school that would be in their price range after they sold this house- All the houses that had two or three bedrooms… 

 

Jared sighed and flipped the page over. He liked that one the most, the white picket fence…

 

Jensen would like it, too, but there was no way that Jensen would even consider getting a bigger house without a better job.

 

Of course, he’d love that Jared was looking, because he knew that Jensen would see it for what it was… Jared looking at a bigger house because he wanted to get a move on having that bigger family with him.

 

He flipped the folder shut and hid it under the mattress. No need to get his own hopes up, no reason he should admit to Jensen that he was looking at bigger houses. Not yet anyway.

 

He sighed again, and then felt a smile pull at his face. He knew what he could do. 

 

As an added bonus it gave him something to do instead of worry about Jensen’s interview.

 

He hurried down to the kitchen and took inventory of what they had. 

 

Easy.

 

Jared smiled a little more and then got to work on dinner.

 

He dumped some spices along with the marinade and the steaks in the zipper bag. Then he flicked on the oven and wrapped some sweet potatoes in tin-foil and plopped them in the oven.

 

“What else, what else?” Jared muttered to himself as he looked at the open fridge.

 

Jensen was not a salad man, so that was out… 

 

He chuckled a little to himself and then grabbed a tube of rolls and popped it open. He grabbed a cookie sheet and scooped some butter into a baggie to keep his and clean as he greased it.

 

He hummed under his breath a little as he separated the rolls and laid them out evenly on the pan.

 

He slid it into the oven, giving the sweet potatoes a cursory glance and then cracked an egg into a bowl, using a little bit to glaze the tops of each roll so that they’d look a little golden when they were done.

 

He glanced at the clock and then grabbed the bag of steaks, mentally berating himself when he realized that he hadn’t yet turned on the grill. He waited until it was hot enough and then slapped the steaks onto the grill, loving the sizzle and the smell.

 

He cursed under his breath and hurried back inside, pulling the potatoes out. “Damnit,” he muttered, they smelt burnt.

 

He’d left the oven on too high, he turned it down a little and unwrapped the potatoes… They weren’t done yet, “Fucking fuck!”

 

He slid them back into the oven and then realized that the rolls looked somehow half burnt and half raw. How was that even possible?

 

He hurried the potatoes onto a lower shelf and whipped the rolls onto the stove top. He moved them all around the cookie sheet, hoping that maybe if all the rolls were totally burnt he could just act like he was just a moron that left the rolls in too long as opposed to the freak that could somehow burn only half of each roll.

 

He plopped them back into the oven, and checked the potatoes again. 

 

They were looking much better; still cooking but not too quickly.

 

He sighed, a little proud of himself for getting it under control that quickly. 

 

So proud that he grabbed a beer from the fridge and twisted the top off, taking a swig. 

 

He gulped down a heart swallow and smiled.

 

“Fuck!” The steaks!

 

He hurried out side, and then stopped. A smile on his face. 

 

“This is why I always make dinner,” Jensen said without turning around. He used the tongs to flip the steaks as Jared walked over.

 

Jared couldn’t help but chuckle a little. Jensen’s cuffs were unbuttoned, his sleeves pushed up his arms, folded tight against his muscular forearms. Even his shirt was unbuttoned, and his tie was loosened, hanging sideways down the front of his chest. Half of his shirt was untucked, and Jared chuckled, reaching out to untuck the rest.

 

Jensen titled his head, and Jared kissed his cheek lightly.

 

“How’d it go?” he asked, watching as Jensen deftly flipped the steaks, revealing a delicate scorched crisscross that Jared had once thought was only to be found on television commercials.

 

“What, the interview?”

 

“Of course the interview!” Jared poked Jensen in the side, getting a little impatient.

 

“Well, you could have been talking about anything,” Jensen teased, and then pouted a little when he saw the look on Jared’s face. “Okay, okay-

 

“I got the job.”

 

“Oh, Jen! That’s great!” Jared’s face fell as he registered the lack of emotion on Jensen’s face. “Is that not great? You seem less than thrilled…”

 

“I just… I guess it just hasn’t sunk in yet.” Jensen nodded, almost as if attempting to convince himself that that was the truth.

 

“Okay, well let me know when you want to celebrate,” Jared said, images of children and a better house dancing in his head.

 

“Will do,” Jensen chuckled.

 

“Fuck! The potatoes!” Jared jumped off the porch and hurried back into the house.


	3. Chapter 3

For the absolute goddess **Magos186** , for not having shot me for waiting so long to update, and for her constant existence. And because she’s just so freakin’ awesome. Love ya, chickadee. Fun!uddles. For **Jensen** , my pal who won’t let me stop writing this until it’s over because she, like me, is pure evil. And for **Lycaness** for re-vamping my enthusiasm about this fic. (She read chapter one of  Fallen on LJ and jumped right over here to read the rest of the ‘verse! How kick ass is that, I ask you?!) And to anyone else who loves this story/‘verse: your reviews keep me going!

 

Chapter Three

 

Jensen sighed, falling into him self as he waited for the day to just freakin' end already; he’d called the garage, and Jeff was more than willing to let him cut back on his hours again, even though he’d just assigned him more, but Jensen still felt bad about it.

 

He shook his head as he stood in the shower, pressing one hand flat against the wall, he leaned heavily against it as the world seemed to rest on his shoulders. He couldn’t stop the sudden tears from falling, and he did nothing to try and stem them.

 

There was nothing wrong with getting a better job, Jared’s voice was saying in his head, but he was pretty sure that he was leaving Jeff in a lurch and even more over, he felt like a dick about it. 

 

People seemed to go out of their way to be nice to him, and he just kept screwing them the fuck over. It just wasn’t right… Everything he touched turned to poison. He swallowed a sob. He could he dare involve himself in numerous children’s lives? 

 

And that school… 

 

He shuddered to think.

 

That school was his own personal nightmare. Hell, the room Jared taught in was the room where he’d found out his mother was dead… The office called him on the room’s phone. It was his grandmother, sobbing, telling him.

 

He remembered how numbly he’d set the phone down. How he’d just stood there, unblinking, unseeing, until Josh came and steered him out of the room, down the hall, to where ever they’d gone.

 

It was the last day Alan had been his dad, too. When he pulled his children against him, and they all sobbed together. The next day, Dad was gone and there was a void where his soul had been, where his spirit had been.

 

It should have been a time when the family came together, instead, Jensen’s family had shattered, exploded, and he’d been caught in the crossfire. 

 

Jensen could feel the pieces of himself, he knew they were there, but could never really put himself back together again. 

 

Enter Jared.

 

Jared hadn’t put him back together, not completely; that was something that would take a lifetime if it ever did happen, but he did hold the pieces together, and the longer he did, the more they seemed to mend themselves.

 

Jensen swore, the hand holding him up against the wall, curling into a fist before slamming into the tiles.

 

One cracked, a small chip falling from his hand as he rinsed the blood from his knuckles. He swore again.

 

Anger was not the answer, Alan had taught him that.

 

He sighed and shook his head again, leaning back and just letting the water pour over his head and down his face.

 

He could do this, could work there. He would do it for Jared, for the family he longed to have- the family they _both_ longed to have…

 

Couldn’t he?

 

Yes. He could. He would. He _had_ to.

 

Besides, maybe he could do some good there, maybe he could use his shitty life to make someone else’s better.

 

He hoped he could, that would make it worth it. Well, that and the look on Jared’s face when they finally got that family they’d been dreaming about. 

 

Jensen shut off the water and got out of the shower. He wrapped his only still slightly bleeding knuckles in toilet paper before reaching for a towel and drying off.

 

If Jared didn’t see blood stains on the towel, and didn’t notice his hand, he could play the tile off as a slip, a whoopsie-daisy, and that would be that… 

 

He met his alarmingly haunted eyes in the bathroom mirror, suddenly he felt 19 again; did he want Jared to notice? Or did he want to hide this away?

 

He looked down, swallowing nausea and feeling ashamed. 

 

He hurried a pair of boxer briefs up his legs, and then a pair of worn sweats. 

 

Jared had bought them at college, but out grew them in about two seconds flat, giving them to Jensen, claiming they needed a good home. Jensen had been irritated to find that they were too long, but quick work with some scissors had fixed that, and it was kinda like a little hug from Jared every time he wore them. So, of course, he ‘d worn them every night he and Jared were apart, and again when he needed to feel a little extra love.

 

He played with a ragged t-shirt, but decided to dump it in the trash instead. Even when asleep, Jay could seem to tell when he needed a hug and would try to cuddle him back to health all night whenever he did. It was incredible.

 

Jensen flipped out the light and opened the door. 

 

The bedroom was quiet, he wasn’t all that surprised to see. Jared had promised him a reward, but had fallen asleep a little after dinner, collapsing on the bed still dressed. He’d been more nervous than Jensen had given him credit for apparently.

 

Jensen had unbuttoned Jared’s shirt, but upon receiving no more help from the younger man, gave up and just peeled his pants and socks off. Tossing the blue patch-work quilt Sherri had made him when he’d moved, he’d taken a quick shower.

 

He smiled softly, the moonlight illuminating Jared through the blinds.

 

He was curled around Jensen’s place in bed, looking like a puzzle piece searching for its mate. Jensen sighed a little, but smiled.

He pulled a note book from the desk and settled on the chair, using only the light of the moon to sketch what he saw before him.

 

The gentle curve of the spine, the relaxed smile, the empty arm… All in all Jared looked breathtaking, and Jensen couldn’t do him justice- Never really could, but especially not now.

 

He crumpled the sheet and threw it in the trash before replacing the notepad and pen on the desk.

 

He lifted the quilt and settled onto his back on the bed.

 

Jared muttered some strange words of love in his sleep and proceed, as expected but always appreciated, to curl his body around Jensen’s; it was as if every inch on him begged to have some sort of contact with him.

 

Jensen closed his eyes and focused on the sound of Jared dreaming. Focused on the weight of Jared’s arm across his stomach. The weight of his head on is shoulder. The weight of his leg as it nestled across his own.

 

His hand, moving of its own accord, began to gently comb through Jared’s hair. The motion was soothing, and he found his thoughts slowing and becoming more pleasant.

 

His arm slowed, weighed down by dreams yet to come, sleep pulling him down.

 

He pressed a sloppy kiss to the top of Jared’s head and completely fell asleep.

*****

Jared woke up, and like always, hid a smile and stifled a groan.

 

Well, no it hadn’t always been like that. And he could almost remember the day it had…

 

Jensen had gone out to dinner with Josh, and returned without saying a word. Jensen never did tell him what happened that day, but every morning since then? Jared had been waking up to find Jensen asleep on his chest, clutching him like he was afraid he would leave him in the middle of the night…

 

Jared kissed the top of Jen’s head lightly and carefully rolled over, laying Jensen on his back and sliding out of his grasp.

 

“Morning, sleepy head,” he murmured, trailing a series of little kisses along Jensen’s bare collar bone.

 

“Nghn,” Jensen grunted back, one hand carding lightly through Jared’s hair even in his haze.

 

Jared chuckled, and kissed the palm of said hand, “Time to get up… You’re going to work today.”

 

Jensen lay there for another moment and then his eyes snapped open. “Shit, no; I can’t do this today.”

 

“Yes, you can,” Jared soothed, kissing his palm again. “You’re going to do great.”

 

“Kids are assholes, Jay; I beat the crap out of assholes when I was at school- I’m not allowed to do that anymore.”

 

“That’s true,” Jared agreed, “But you can do fun things like send them to the office, or since you’re a PE teacher and can’t really give homework, you can make them run laps.”

 

“Office won’t do shit; trust me, I know, but,” Jensen mused, “Laps might do.”

 

“Mmhmm,” Jared purred, and kissed Jensen deeply, “Morning.”

 

“Morning,” Jensen breathed back, and they shared another kiss before Jared forced himself to leave Jensen’s side.

 

“Want me to start on breakfast while you get showered and all?” Jensen asked around a yawn, hungry eyes following his movements as he peeled his shirt off.

 

“That sounds great,” Jared answered, loving the heat in his husband’s gaze, even after all these years.

 

“… Right, I’ll just… Go do that then,” Jensen licked his lips, obviously not really wanting to leave the room as Jared pulled off his boxers off and tossed them into the laundry.

 

Jared nodded, making sure that Jensen got a good long look at his body before walking into the bathroom.

 

As soon as the door shut, he allowed himself to blush. 

 

It had taken years for Jared to get comfortable enough to let Jensen see him in all his glory like that in the middle of the light… And even now… He raised a hand to his burning cheek and shook his head.

 

He hurried through his shower, and then quickly dried off, rubbing the towel through his hair as he walked back into the bed room and picked out some clothes. 

 

Luckily, it was still only the first week of school, and he could get away with wearing jeans on a non-Friday. He pulled on a pair of jeans and a polo, half tucking it in and just let the back hang loose. It clearly wasn’t the most professional outfit, but he didn’t want Jen to feel any weirder about his first day than he was surely going to anyway.

 

He slid his ‘Texas’ belt on, knowing that Jensen loved to see him wearing it. He always tugged on it a little when he noticed, and Jared could still feel Jensen’s hot whisper in his ear _everything’s bigger in texas_ same thing he whispered every time he pulled it from Jared’s hips before doing delightfully naughty things with those lips of his.

 

Jared shivered a little, and yanked on a pair of socks at random as the smell of bacon and pancakes filled the air.

 

He froze.

 

Jensen was _really_ nervous- He only over-cooked when he needed to keep busy.

 

Maybe Jared should have thought twice before fixing Jen up with the job?

 

The scent of home fries reached him.

 

Oh, yeah, he should have thought twice.

 

Jared squared his shoulders and hurried to the kitchen, it was a little too late for worry now. Then again-

 

He froze in the doorway. ( _How long had he been in the shower?_ ) Jensen had made pancakes, bacon, eggs, home fries, toast and poured OJ and milk.

 

“Jen?” He asked, half in, half out of the kitchen. “You okay, sweetie?”

 

“Yeah,” Jensen asked, with a smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes as he built Jared’s plate for him. “Why?”

 

“You cooked enough to feed a small army…” Jared said, pulling out his chair and sitting down.

 

“Oh,” Jensen lied, “I was hungry.”

 

“Okay,” Jared said, pretending to believe the lie. Jensen would talk when he was ready, that was just his way; he hated to seem weak, and he saw nervousness as weakness.

 

Jensen looked at the table, and pushed away from his chair, “I’m gonna go get ready.”

 

“Are you going to eat?” Jared asked, ignoring the smear of egg on his upper lip. “I mean, since you’re so hungry?”

 

“I can’t be late on my first day,” Jensen admonished. He leaned over and gently wiped the smear away with his thumb. “Besides, not even you can eat all this by the time I get back.”

 

Jared raised a brow, but let Jensen walk from the room. As soon as he heard the bedroom door close, he put his piece of bacon down, a heavy frown creasing his face.

 

He _definitely_ should have thought twice. 

 

Fuck!

 

What was he supposed to do now? Jensen wouldn’t quit, that’s not the kind of guy that he was, and Jared couldn’t get the offer rescinded. If Jen got fired… That would be really, _really_ not good. That might even be what people call bad. 

 

He thumped his head on the table, unsure of how he found a spot that big on the food-laden table that was empty enough for him to do so.

 

He’d thought this was a good thing, thought that this was a way that they could both get what they wanted.

 

Jared was wrong, he was very, very wrong.

 

He felt like the biggest freakin’ idiot in the universe. 

 

How had he screwed up this badly?

 

All of a sudden, the bacon and OJ he’d ingested formed a lump of cement in his stomach.

 

And since when did Jensen let him get away with screw ups this big?

 

Why hadn’t Jensen just said _Hey, thanks but no thanks_ and walked away?

 

Why hadn’t he just talked to him about this?

 

For the first time in years, Jared was afraid of losing him.


End file.
